Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Self Discovery continued...

Self Discovery

At the workshop one of the first things I was asked to do was:
1. Take out a photo of myself when I was little.
(we had been told to bring one ahead of time)
2. Look at it.
3. Close my eyes and picture it in my mind.
4. Then I was guided on a meditation exercise to recall what I really wanted when I was that age. A time before I was influenced to think differently by my parents, teachers, religion and society. Before my parents told me that having a horse was too much work and too expensive. Before my teachers taught me that artists don't make money. Before my religion taught me that rich people are greedy and that the best way to help the world is to give up your career and become a full time missionary. Before society taught me that playing with dollhouses was for little girls not adults and that if I'm not going to dance as a career then there is no need to continue taking dance lessons. I "should" focus on something that I'm good at. I "should" not be rich but still have plenty money to tithe to the churc. I "should" become a missionary. I "can't" make money if I want to pursue fine art. I "shouldn't" get a horse because it's not practical.
Kieren says "Stop should-ing on yourself!"
5. Later I was asked to take out a more recent photo and reflect on what my dreams are now and what of my childhood dreams have I accomplished since that time until now.

This exercise was the most exciting part of the workshop for me. I felt like there were so many things that I loved to do as a child and I still want to do them but somewhere along the way I came to believe that there weren't practical or they were too juvenile.

For example during the childhood reflections we were given time to create a list. The list was of things I wrote that I had always wanted to have my very own Arabian horse to go on adventures with in the country side. I loved rearranging my dollhouse furniture and thinking up my own designs for dollhouse accessories as well as trying to make my own out of clay and paper. I remember looking through the PlayMobil catalogue and wishing I could be the person who sets up the dolls and funiture in the doll houses to be photographed for the catalogue. I realized that in the moment of remembering these dreams I felt so excited aboutk my life ahead of me and inspired to make something artistic.
Like this fairy cottage below that I found on google. To whoever made this....you're awesome!

Past Conditioning

During the Life Directions Workshop I was asked to reflect on what beliefs were engrained in me as a child mostly by my parents and reflect on how my life as reflected those messages. Here are my responses:

Beliefs that were ingrained in you as a child? I remember my mom couldn't emphasize enough how important it is to tithe to the church and pay taxes. She said you never want to owe the spirit world/the universe. She also said that it is good to think wisely before you to speak less is better than to speak too much. She also taught me that I should try different things and always be open minded. There is always more to learn. She paid for my ballet lessons, music lessons and for boarding school abroad even though our family had to borrow money to pay for it.

Growing up she was encouraging about almost all my endeavors expect my art. I used to draw my mom pictures and make her cards but I when I would see them in the trash later and would ask her about it and she would explain that she said she didn’t know what to do with them. She said she doesn’t really appreciate art but Dad does. “Show Dad he understands art.”

My dad said “Always leave a plus.” He was always extremely generous and he loved buying gifts. That's how he showed that he cared. He would spend top dollar on gifts for people including me, without appearing to think twice about it and I remember mom being angry that he spent too much. He told me that if you buy something on sale you won't appreciate it as much as when you pay full price for a quality item that you really want. I also remember him getting frustrated at me when he came home from work and wanted to be along and I bothered him. He didn't like it when I asked him questions. I remember him telling me “Don’t ask stupid questions or you’ll get a stupid answer.” One time we were talking about why he likes to make fun of me and my sisters and he said “I don’t want to complement my kids because then they’ll become arrogant.”

How has your life reflected these messages? Well, I think I learned from my mom that it's good to try new things and travel. From that influence, I've moved around a lot, I also changed my major in college about five times and I love to listen to different peoples perspectives of life and anything else that makes them unique. I have been told that I am open minded and a good listener. On the other hand I find that in my artistic career it has been difficult for me to make money through my work because I have a hard time putting a price value on it. It's hard to believe that it will be appreciated by other people and so I often severely under-charge if i charge at all, for all the hours and hours of work I spend on a design. I'm thinking that might be connected to the fact that my mom had a difficult time understanding and valuing my art as a kid.

I think my dad influenced me in the way spend money and my desire to buy gifts. When I do get money I immediately feel like I have to spend it all on other people, or donate to a good cause (that's more from my mom). If I get a pay check for $500.00 I automatically think of buying a $500 gift for my parents in law because I want to even the score since my husband and I don't pay rent, even though as a couple we need that money for our necessities. I feel a sense of urgency to pay back my parents-in-law even though in reality they really don't even think about it. People have told me I am very generous. My husband thinks I'm too generous. I also find it hard to express how I feel/think because I'm afraid people may think it's dumb. I'm starting to realize it doesn't really matter if they do.

What is the "Life Directions" Workshop

I just attended one of the most inspiring workshops that I've ever been to, and that's saying a lot because I've been to so many already. It was called "Life Directions" and it was about finding your true passion and how your career can be a vehicle to help you fulfill it.

Just to give you some background, the workshop is just one of an entire series developed by Peak Potentials, a company started by T. Harv Eker, author of the book "Millionaire Mind." The book is about how people's unconscious or conscious beliefs, their "past conditioning," regarding money directly affects how much money they make. He said "Give me five minutes and I can predict what your financial future will be for the rest of your life." Based on his research for "Millionaire mind," he realized the same theory can be applied to the a person's health, relationships, mission, happiness, etc. and he decided to make a whole series of courses to help people re-condition themselves so that they can be successful in all areas of their lives.

The reason why I wanted to start a blog about the one called "Life Directions" is because I thought is was the most inspiring and I wanted to tell people about it. And since the Peaks courses are pretty expensive to go to, I thought it would be nice to help those who are interested but can't afford to go, by sharing some of my experiences.